I realized something today. I have lost all my friends. I realized that I'm lonely. It was a wonderful wednesday afternoon in May, just like any other day, and I was going to call some friends because I wanted to get out and be with them. It hit me that I have only three friends to call when I want to get out and see someone. I've almost lost contact with two of them. As expected, no one wanted or could. What has happened? What have I done with all these years since everything was just fine and I had endless amounts of friends?

It all ended with me grabbing my bike, getting to the nearest store and buying some ice cream and going to a place I haven't been to in ages. It's not a very "romantic" place or such, but it's a nice spot and I like it. I sat there for an hour eating my ice cream and wishing for new friends before I went home in the sunset. All these places, so many childhood memories, it's what I've built my life upon.

Sure, I've got friends, but it's not as before, it's not as it used to be. It's not living right next to each other, it's not just walking over and knock on the door when you feel like it, or just step right in, it's not being with each other every day after school and all day long every weekend just to be with each other, it's not calling each other just to say "Good night!" right before you go to bed. It's nothing like that. That's friendship, and it's nothing like that, not anymore.

Where has childhood and old friends gone? Friends that was you life. And why has nothing or no one come to replace it? I've lost everything that I once valued, and nothing has come the fill the void after it.
I guess I've got myself to blame as usual. What have I done with these years? What have I done to keep old friends? What have I done to try to meet new people and get new friends?

Yes, I've got friends, but nothing's like it used to be. Friends like the ones you used to have as a kid take years and years to get, and that's more time than I or anyone else has got. We're almost grown up, it's time to abandon childhood and throw yourself out in the real life. It's time to let go of those years and keep them in your memory.
But I'm afraid. I'm afraid to let go. It's easier to just shut yourself in your room and deny everything...