I've been daydreaming a lot lately. Haven't done that very much lately for some reason. I have always been a dreamer, I have always been able to just slip away into worlds of my own, oceans of thoughts, questions, wishes. Oceans of joy, happiness, and that feeling that everything is just as it should be, everything just is. I love my dreams. They're always so beautiful, exciting and really really wierd and strange sometimes. Just the way I want life to be.

In fact, my life was like that pretty much all last year. So much going on all the time, when I think back. Moments of happiness I've never experienced before. And I never really understood that before it was too late. Even though last year probably was the happiest and most amazing year ever in my life, it's the only year so far that I just want to re-live. Not because I want to be as happy again as much as I want to change a lot that I did. It's too late for that now, but there's things I will always remember, that I will probably never experience again. And just knowing that makes so sad I just want to lie down on my bed until time is no more, and life has ceased to exist. Parts of last year were experienced through my own eyes, but not by me. It felt like I was just witnessing myself, like an observer trying to interfere, but I wasn't able to do anything. Anything at all.

All I have now is my memories and my expeirences. I live another life now, a new life, and there's so much going on to hope for, to dream about. Looking back at those wonderful moments makes me so happy, yet so sad, but it is what I have now that counts. It is what I have now that makes a difference. I have new dreams, better dreams, happier dreams.

And if I'm lucky, some of them might maybe, just maybe, come true. Things are happening in my life now that makes me very happy. Soon, soon I might have someone special to care about... There is someone special in my life already, I just hope that she understands that some time. I think she will. But for now, I only have my hope, and my dreams. Which is good enough for me, which is all I really need to be happy...

Sometimes I dream my life away. Sometimes I love my dreams...